Why are we so quick to judge?
As personal matchmakers, we often receive feedback from clients when presented with a match’s photo that they are not interested in because that person reminds them of someone they have dated in the past, or that they are not their “type”. This is one of the biggest pitfalls of single people, in my opinion.
Judging people based on their appearance because they remind us of someone we've previously dated is a phenomenon rooted in psychology. This behaviour can be explained through several psychological principles and theories, let’s dive into it.
Heuristic Processing
Heuristics are mental shortcuts that help people make quick judgments. When we see someone who resembles a past partner, our brain uses these shortcuts to associate the new person with the experiences and emotions tied to the previous relationship. This can lead to a quick, albeit superficial, judgment based on appearance alone.
Transference
Transference is a concept from psychoanalytic theory where individuals project feelings, attitudes, or desires from past relationships onto new people. When a new acquaintance looks like a former partner, these unconscious projections can influence how we perceive and interact with them. This process can evoke similar emotional responses, leading to judgments that reflect past experiences rather than the current reality .
Associative Memory
Our brains store memories in associative networks, where related concepts and experiences are linked. Seeing someone who resembles a former partner can trigger these associative networks, bringing up memories and emotions related to that person. This can bias our judgment, making us more likely to view the new individual through the lens of our past experiences.
The Mere Exposure Effect
This psychological phenomenon suggests that people tend to develop a preference for things that are familiar to them. If someone reminds us of a person we have previously dated, the familiarity can create a sense of comfort and preference, influencing our judgments positively or negatively based on past interactions with the look-alike .
Similarity Attraction Hypothesis
According to this hypothesis, people are generally attracted to others who are similar to themselves or to those they have had positive experiences with in the past. Physical resemblance to a previous partner can trigger an attraction based on the assumption that the new person will share characteristics with the former partner, leading to a favourable or unfavourable judgment depending on the previous relationship's outcome.
These psychological principles show us why we might judge people based on their resemblance to someone we've dated before. This behaviour is a mix of cognitive shortcuts, memory associations, and emotional projections that shape our perceptions and interactions in new relationships. The trick is not letting it control our dating behaviour.