Is It Actually Unrequited Love? How to Know for Sure and What to Do About It
Ever felt like you’re falling for someone who just doesn’t feel the same way?
You’re not alone — unrequited love is one of the most universally painful experiences in dating, and yet, it’s also one of the most misunderstood.
Whether it’s someone you've just started seeing or a long-standing connection that hasn’t developed the way you’d hoped, the emotional toll of loving someone who doesn't love you back can be exhausting. But here’s the good news: understanding what’s really going on can give you the clarity (and peace) you need to move forward.
What Is Unrequited Love?
Put simply, unrequited love is when your feelings for someone aren’t returned. This doesn’t just mean romantic rejection — it could look like:
Being emotionally invested in someone who keeps you at arm’s length
Feeling a deep connection that the other person doesn’t seem to notice
Holding onto hope for a relationship that never progresses
Receiving mixed signals that leave you confused, not seen, or undervalued
It’s not about a one-time “no.” It’s about a lingering mismatch between your emotional investment and their availability — emotionally, romantically, or relationally.
Signs You’re in an Unrequited Love Situation
If you’re wondering is it actually unrequited love?, ask yourself:
Do you initiate most of the conversations or plans?
Do they talk to you about their love life… like you’re just a friend?
Are they hot-and-cold, keeping you close but never committing?
Do you imagine a relationship that hasn’t actually taken shape?
Do you feel emotionally drained or rejected, even when you’re around them?
If you answered “yes” to more than one of these, it’s likely you’re in the territory of unrequited feelings.
Why Does Unrequited Love Happen?
Sometimes we fall for someone who’s emotionally unavailable. Other times, we project qualities onto a person that may not actually be there. In some cases, we confuse potential with reality.
We might also stay in unrequited dynamics because:
We crave the emotional highs (even if they’re short-lived)
We believe we can change their mind
We fear there won’t be someone else who "gets" us
We're chasing a version of love we're familiar with — even if it's painful
But love, in its healthiest form, isn’t about convincing someone to see your worth — it’s about mutual recognition, effort, and care.
How to Deal with Unrequited Love
1. Name it for what it is.
The first step is radical honesty. If it’s not mutual, it’s not the love story you deserve. Acknowledging that is painful, yes — but it’s also freeing.
2. Stop idealizing the person.
Often, unrequited love isn’t about who they are, it’s about who you imagine they could be in a relationship with you. Start separating fact from fantasy.
3. Pull back — emotionally and physically.
Give yourself space to reset. That might mean reducing contact, unfollowing on social media, or even talking it out with a therapist or dating coach.
4. Focus on what you need in love.
Ask yourself: What kind of love am I really seeking? What makes me feel safe, seen, and valued in a relationship?
5. Invest in people who choose you back.
Whether that’s friends, family, or potential romantic matches — real connection always involves mutual effort.
A Final Word: You Deserve Mutual Love
Unrequited love can feel like being stuck in emotional limbo — waiting, hoping, wondering. But it’s not your final destination. It's a detour, not a dead end.
When you're ready to move on, remember: the kind of love that lifts you, values you, and grows with you — it doesn’t leave you guessing.
And if you're struggling to break the pattern, working with a dating coach or matchmaker who understands how to build emotionally reciprocal relationships can change everything.
Looking for something real?
At Mirabela, we help smart, successful singles stop chasing unavailable love and start finding aligned, emotionally intelligent partners — people who are ready for the same future you are.