We all do it, sit there and create this formulated list of what we’re looking for in our ‘perfect‘ partner … but there’s the catch. A perfect person doesn’t exist, so you’re already setting yourself up for failure and a stream of disappointment when people don’t live up to the standards that you’ve set.

We need to steer away from creating an extensive criteria of what we want in someone, while also getting out of the habit of giving up on someone as soon as they take a step out of being exactly what we thought we want, most things are fixable and don’t need to be thrown away or given up on all together just because someone has shown that they maybe aren’t as ‘perfect‘ as you first thought or as you expected them to be.

Even custom made things that come from factories sometimes aren’t even perfect, and as human beings we all come with prewired quirks that will make us more or less appealing to certain people, life is all about finding the person who’s quirks we find endearing, because lets face it, dating someone who was afraid of being anything but themselves may be a bit boring.

When we start dating someone it’s important to gain an understanding of their background, because this will give you an insight into how they’ve become the person that they are when you’ve met them. Don’t be scared to talk about their parents and how this has helped them to formulate as idea of what a  family unit looks like, ultimately, don’t be scared to ask what their future look like to them. Never assume someone is imagining their future the same way you’re imagining yours, so ask the bigger questions!

You can’t expect someone to walk in and tick every single one of your boxes, if they tick 7/10 you’ve already found someone worth fighting for as long as you can let go of your ‘but I wanted someone who fitted this exact mould‘ kind of mentality. Unfortunately love doesn’t usually work alongside perfection, love is messy and confusing and it pushes us out of our comfort zone, but you know what is in our comfort zone? The list of what we think makes up the ‘prefect partner‘, so already we should know that our list isn’t going to work 100% and that’s ok.

The most important questions to ask yourself are these, how do you feel around them? Do they make you feel listened to and cared about? Do you feel like you can be yourself around them? Because if the answer to all of those questions is yes, then maybe you should put away your list with all of the tick boxes and just focus on cherishing the fact that you’ve found someone who makes you happy?

There are a few things that make sense to look for in a partner, for example, if you’re super family orientated and want someone who’s the same way, thats something which makes sense. But these are more focused around your core values than anything else, so find your core values and stick to those but let the rest naturally fall into place.

If you want to be with someone who has the same passion and ambition that you do (for whatever it is they care about) cool, that fits into your values too.

But when we get down to things like, age, location, job titles, their parents lives, etc etc, we’re stating to include things that shouldn’t necessarily impact your view of if someone is right for you or not.

You should want to know the core details of what drives them and how they see their future and be willing to take less notice of the smaller things that they don’t have control over and really i’m talking about looks here for all those people who have a specific ‘look‘ they want their partner to have.

So that list you’ve created for what makes up your ‘perfect‘ partner, yeah, throw that away and focus on making yourself as perfect as you think you can be, because if you’re brining greatness to the table then you can expect the same level back.

Life isn’t just about getting to that final destination, it’s also about the journey and sometimes our route never actually looks how we expected it too, but thats what makes it more beautiful.

Our team at Mirabela are all here to help you navigate your way through your love journey because we know it can be confusing and sometimes we all need a bit of help and advice, if you need some coaching, reach out to us today.

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I'm a relationship psychologist with years of experience helping people through the ups and downs of their love lives. My motto has always been to help people put a bit of logic back into matters that are normally controlled by our hearts.