So I matched with this guy on a dating app, he was super good looking might I add!
We were talking for a couple of days back and forward via text before we finally managed to arrange a first date.
Plans made, we were meeting for a drink at a bar in the CBD, but it was a midweek later afternoon kind of vibe rather than a Friday night thing, I’ve always been told to do a first date mid-week.
So we planned to meet at a rooftop bar once I’d finished at work that day, I knew we wouldn’t have too much time together as I had something on later at that evening so the date could last a maximum of three hours, again I’ve always been told that you shouldn’t let a first date go on too long because you want to leave them wanting more and also I like to keep first dates quite casual because although you can like someone over message it might be a totally different story in real life right?
Anyway, we continued to talk basically all day every day, I really felt a connection with him it was crazy how much I felt I was getting to know him before even meeting.
The day of the first date came and I was super excited, we met outside the bar and I have to say I was instantly attracted to this guy!
He was tall and you could so tell that he was athletic, literally my type to a tee.
During the date we had such a great time, the drinks we’re flowing, and the conversation didn’t stop, I ended up leaving the date quite drunk if I’m honest!
We did have a kiss at the end of the first date too and he was a very good kisser!
After the first date we continued chatting all day every day and then he made plans for the second date which was also good, he booked a restaurant for dinner and it was a really nice place!
The drinking wasn’t the same on this one I want to add because he was driving, he nicely offered to drop me home and when we got to mine he even asked when he could see me next, so I replied jokingly ‘oh you want to see me again?!’ which he then replied to with ‘yeah we can chat’ this made me feel a little deflated especially since he didn’t make a move to kiss me this time and bearing in mind we did have a kiss on the first date!
I dropped him a text message an hour later just saying I’d had a nice time and I hoped he’d gotten home ok, he replied saying and thanked me for coming to dinner with him and I said no problem.
I HAVEN’T HEARD FROM THIS GUY SINCE!
I am so confused! The first date was so good and I felt like there was so much chemistry, but he’s gone from messaging me all day every day to nothing at all, why is that?
The expert opinion:
It’s a shame that you felt as though there was so much initial chemistry just for it to conclude the way it did, but one question I think it’s important to ask is … how can you determine having chemistry with someone before you’ve even met? How is chemistry measured via texts in your opinion?
It’s also important to realise that if you’d played along jokingly with the right person over the whole ‘oh you want to see me again do you’ comment – then he would have been able to sense that you were flirting and he would have flirted along too.
To me, this sounds like a case of too much too soon and I think the downfall may have come from the constant text messaging in between seeing each other.
As human beings we’re naturally curious and always trying to learn new things, either about ourselves, our environment or about those around us.
So if you’re dating someone and you give them all the information they need within the space of a few days …. What mystery is left? What else do they need to see you to learn?
This approach will work for someone dating slightly later life because they want to give all the important information up as soon as possible to make an informed decision about a person, they’ve already done the whole marriage and kids situation so they know exactly what they want and they don’t have time to mess around.
But when you’re in your younger years and dating, it’s important to reveal your life little by little. Sadly, you’re in competition with a lot of other people so don’t give all your secrets away at once.
When we like someone, it’s very easy to go 100miles an hour with them, but playing the long game really will play off, you don’t have to give someone everything all at once early on.
It’s also important to remember we haven’t always had 24/7 access to each other, so just because we have that now, we shouldn’t expect someone to talk to us all day every day.
Expectations can be a killer in an early dating phase.
In the case of this story, why is the assumption that someone you’ve been out with twice should message you first thing in the morning and last thing at night?
If you want to talk to someone or see them, why not reach out and suggest a plan? Us women do tend to sometimes forget that we have an ability to take the lead when it comes to dating, so we sit back and wait for a guy to talk to us or make plans with us, but actually if we want someone, there’s definitely confidence in just going for it!
Ultimately, if they say no to your suggestion then you have your answer. But at least it takes away the element of confusion which I can see in the story above.