Why does falling in love and being in love feel so different?

Well firstly, when we’re falling in love with someone, we’re in the honeymoon phase, which is romantic, easy and unflawed. Ultimately all the things we assume love to be like, is what you’ll experience during the honeymoon phase of a relationship when everything is brand new and exiting.

But relationships don’t stay in this phase and it would be unrealistic to expect them too. All relationships go through phases, and the honeymoon phase is only the first one.

Once you’re in love, everything will feel much calmer, you’ll possibly start seeing the flaws in the other person that you’ve chosen to build a relationship with and it’s how you work through this second phase of disconnection which is a time where you you’ll be figuring out how to navigate through arguments and disagreement together that will then lead you into the final phase of a relationship which focuses around repair.

Break up’s tend to happen because couples aren’t able to work through the stage of disconnection together and reach the repair phase. People get so caught up in the honeymoon period where everything is wonderful, that as soon as a few speed bumps arise they assume that the relationship isn’t meant to be and walk out calling quits on something that only needed to build on its communication and understanding levels to reach its repair phase and ultimately the feeling of being in love rather than just falling.

For those of you who are dreaming of a constantly happy relationship that travels in a linear direction without any ups and downs, you’ll find yourself in a never ending loop of relationships which never get past its honeymoon phase, which can feel rewarding at times because you’re appealing to that part of you that craves connection and intimacy, but in order to maintain a long lasting relationship, you need to learn how to transition through all the phases you will experience with your partner without getting cold feet and running away just because things aren’t quite how you imagined them to be.

So yes, being in love is different to falling in love because being in love takes work, it requires communication and compromise rather than just letting our desire for connection drive our actions, which is what happens when we’re falling in love.

Falling in love is the easy bit, but if you’re ready to put in the effort of being in love, you’ll be on track for a very rewarding experience.

We have experts available to help guide you through all stages of your love life, we can give you lots of helpful tools and advice to make sure your next relationship makes it past the honeymoon phase, so reach out to us today.

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I'm a relationship psychologist with years of experience helping people through the ups and downs of their love lives. My motto has always been to help people put a bit of logic back into matters that are normally controlled by our hearts.