Emotional intelligence in relationships, something that very few of us actually possess but all of us need in order to actually have a long-term sustainable romantic relationship. Our emotional intelligence affects the quality of our lives because it influences our behaviour and relationships, it will impact how people interact with us and how we interact with others.

Having emotional intelligence basically means that you have the ability to understand and unpack the feelings both you and those around you are experiencing, as well as understand, use, and manage your own emotions in positive ways to relieve stress, communicate effectively.

You’ll be able to use this understanding to empathise with others, overcome challenges and defuse conflict, because you’ll be able to show compassion and take blame when appropriate.

All of which is important when you’re in a relationship with someone, as adults we need to be able to have difficult conversations with our partner from time to time and the only way we can do that is by having the ability to understand why we’re feeling the way we are.

When you’re dating someone who’s emotionally intelligent, most of the time when the two of you need to have difficult conversations, they won’t end up throwing their toys out of the pram and walking off, they’ll sit in front of you and say “let’s figure out how to fix this together” and that’s where a relationship will really be able to last a lifetime.

Psychologists will tell you that there are five main components to look at when you’re trying to figure out if you or your partner are emotionally intelligent:

  • Self-awareness.
  • Self-regulation.
  • Empathy.
  • Social skills (effective communication with those around you without victimising yourself or changing narratives to make you always the one in the right)

The good thing is that while not all of us have a good grasp on emotional intelligence, it is something that can be learnt and built on so we can communicate more effectively with everyone around us.

Check in with yourself when you notice yourself experiencing heightened emotions regardless of if they are good or bad, just sit back and ask yourself what it is you’re feeling and where it’s come from.

The more you check in with yourself, the more you can build an awareness of these feelings and how you can self soothe when necessary.

When you know what to look for, it’s pretty easy to spot someone with some emotional intelligence, you can look at the following points:

  • They can handle criticism on any aspect without denial, blame, excuses or anxiety. One of the hallmarks of high emotional intelligence is self-awareness.
  • They’re open-minded, happy to hear peoples ideas and will approach things knowing that their mind could be change on things.
  • They’re good listeners.
  • They don’t sugarcoat the truth, when needed they will tell you things you may not necessarily want to hear, because they can see what triggers you.
  • They apologise when they’re wrong, and I’m talking a genuine apology. Not an apology that involves an aspect of gas lighting such as “I’m sorry but….” “I’m sorry that you….” In the first example they’re still trying to avoid taking responsibility for their own actions and in the second example they’re blame shifting, making you responsible for what they’ve said upsetting you in some way.

To find out more about improving your emotional intelligence to make sure you’re able to create better relationships with those around you, reach out to us today to speak to one of our coaches.

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