We all constantly strive towards finding the ‘missing piece’ of our jigsaw puzzle but the issue with this is that sometimes we’re so caught up in finding that one piece, we fail to stop and realise when we’re trying to make someone/something fit into our jigsaw that really just doesn’t belong there, so we end up losing sight of how much hard work we’ve put into finding all the other pieces that make up who we are.
So why do we tend to get so fixated on finding that one piece that we lose sight of all the other pieces that make us, well … us.
Or even more importantly, if we enter someone’s life, why do we then try to change who they are to fit what we want? We’re always looking for ways that our partner can change or improve but we forget that they’ve been working hard to make that version of themselves since the day they were born and the last thing they want or need is some temporary, mismatched (to them) individual coming along to alter them. Once you’ve redesigned the end picture of the jigsaw of their life, by removing pieces and jamming in pieces that really don’t go where you’re trying to make them fit, you’ll leave them questioning a lot of things but mainly who they are, especially without you.
And the thing is, they’ve let you alter them because they love you, no demand was too big or too small, you wanted them not to hang out with certain people? Fine, those jigsaw pieces are gone. You weren’t a fan of that ‘annoying’ hobby they had at the weekends? Cool, they’ll drop it to fit into your lifestyle better, another jigsaw piece gone.
Originally, before you came along, the image they were working towards on their jigsaw of life, the one they had been working on all this time, was a beautiful beach setting. Now, since you’ve been in their life, the end image is of a busy city…. they don’t even like busy cities, but you do, so it’s fine, because they want to make you happy.
NO. THIS IS ABSOLUTELY NOT FINE.
If you don’t love 100% of the person you’re dating without wanting to change them, leave them alone so they can find someone who does love 100% of them and will embrace all the things they’re passionate about, they won’t question why they wont make them feel bad for wanting to fill their free time with certain activities or get upset when they want to spend time with friends.
Maybe you’re reading this thinking, yeah I’ve done that. I’ve changed my life to please someone else. Well stop it, you don’t need to, if you love 100% of you, someone else can as well, but that’s the key thing here, you need to love all your quirks before you can expect someone else to.
We all have flaws, but few of us can actually own them and stand in front of someone and go, “this is me”. Yeah I’m not perfect, but neither are you so lets be perfectly imperfect together and I’ll love you anyway.
I’m not asking you to love your partners snoring when they lay on their front, or the way they can’t eat toast unless it’s basically burnt, but all those silly little things make up what is them and if you love them, these kind of things just slip away into the background and fall into the shadows of everything that makes your better half amazing to you.
You shouldn’t place yourself into someones life if you’re wanting to change it, because you could just be a temporary part of their life jigsaw, all the other pieces they’ve spent years finding the right places for are the foundations they’ve created with their friends and family and if you try and change those just to fit what you want, you probably don’t love them as much as you think you do, you just like the version of them that you’ve created.