First Date Etiquette in 2024
Navigating Budgets and Picking Up the Tab
The Mirabela team were asked a suite of questions this week about first-date etiquette, who picks up the bill and budgeting for your dates. Read the Q&A below to learn from the experts in love and building connections.
1. What do you wish all men knew about first date etiquette in 2024, specifically around topics like the budget of the date and who picks up the tab?
Firstly, I believe it's more valuable to focus on the quality of time spent and the overall experience of the date rather than setting a strict budget.
To put this into perspective, let's consider two scenarios:
Scenario 1:
Tom and Tina met on Hinge. After chatting on the platform for two weeks, they finally arrange a date. Tom invites Tina for drinks at a popular bar in Sydney CBD on a Thursday night. There's a physical attraction based on Tina’s profile photo and some connection from their text interactions.
Date: Drinks at a well-known bar in Sydney CBD
Date Cost: $150
Picking Up the Tab: In this case, since Tom initiated the date to explore a potential connection, it would be appropriate for him to pay the bill.
Meaning: By covering the tab, Tom demonstrates chivalry and appreciation for Tina’s effort to meet him. It sets a positive precedent for potential future dates.
Scenario 2:
Tom met Kristie at an event. They had a great initial interaction and have seen each other socially a few times since. Tom finally musters the courage to ask Kristie on a real date to explore their connection further. In this scenario, physical attraction, connection, and some level of chemistry have already been established.
Date: Trending new restaurant in Sydney CBD
Date Cost: $700
Picking Up the Tab: Here, it would be fitting for Tom to pay for the first date.
Meaning: Covering the bill showcases Tom’s interest in spending quality time with Kristie and getting to know her on a deeper level. It highlights his thoughtfulness in organizing the date, making Kristie feel valued, special, and secure, thereby enhancing her sense of femininity and his display of masculinity.
Why the difference in effort and spending? Tom's intentions with each woman vary. With Tina, Tom is exploring the possibility of a connection, thus he invests a moderate amount of time and money. With Kristie, Tom has already established a connection and is keen to impress and further deepen their relationship. He invests more in this date to reflect his serious intentions and the value he places on their interactions.
2. Have things evolved on that front considering the fact that we are moving away from traditional gender norms and also living in a difficult economic climate?
The dating landscape has certainly evolved. Many women now feel the need to contribute financially on a first date to demonstrate their independence and show that they aren't expecting the man to cover all expenses. While some men find this gesture appreciated, it can also leave them feeling somewhat emasculated. This shift has led to confusion, especially among individuals in their 30s and beyond, regarding what is considered appropriate dating etiquette. Despite this, most men we work with still prefer and are happy to pay for the date.
For those who prefer to split the bill, it’s important to address this preference before the date. Here’s how to approach the conversation:
Discuss Date Plans: Talk about the places you'd like to visit, such as restaurants, bars, or shows.
Bring Up Splitting the Bill: Ask your date if they are open to splitting the bill and gauge their feelings on the matter.
Ensure Alignment: By having this discussion in advance, both parties can be aligned and avoid any misunderstandings during the date.
This approach ensures transparency and mutual understanding, paving the way for a more comfortable and enjoyable dating experience.
3. What would you tell a man wondering how much to spend on a first date?
When considering how much to spend on a first date, it's essential to budget according to what you can comfortably afford. There should be no pressure to overspend in an attempt to impress. If a lavish dinner is beyond your means, there are plenty of creative and enjoyable alternatives such as walks, museum visits, festivals, or day drives.
Affordability: Your budget should reflect your financial reality. Spending beyond your means can create unnecessary stress.
Creativity: Opt for activities that allow for meaningful interaction without a hefty price tag. Experiences like walks, museums, or casual outings can be just as memorable and enjoyable.
First Date Setting: A first date should take place in a comfortable, relaxed setting. Aim for a venue that isn’t too loud or expensive, allowing for easy conversation and a genuine connection.
Women appreciate feeling beautiful and special, but it's important to avoid the impression that an extravagant dinner means there are expectations attached. A high-cost date does not guarantee greater interest or affection. Instead, focus on creating an enjoyable and comfortable atmosphere that allows both of you to get to know each other better.
4. What are the pros and cons of spending more vs. going on a cheap date?
Nobody likes a cheap date! But, how do we define a cheap date, by how much money you spend or the quality of the date?
Pros of Spending More Money:
Demonstrates Your Preferences: By choosing a high-end experience, you can convey your tastes and interests to your date.
Makes Your Date Feel Special: A luxurious outing can make your date feel cherished and valued.
Cons of Spending More Money:
Perceived as Attempting to Buy Attention: Excessive spending might give the impression that you are trying to compensate or win favour through money.
Attracting the Wrong Type of Person: Higher expenditures could attract individuals more interested in your wealth than in building a genuine connection.
Pros of Spending Less Money:
Appears More Thoughtful: When you focus on personal touches instead of high costs, it can show that you are considerate and attentive.
Fosters Genuine Connections: Lower spending can help ensure that your date is interested in you for who you are, not just for a lavish experience.
Cons of Spending Less Money:
Risk of Being Seen as Stingy: Minimal spending might lead to perceptions of frugality or stinginess.
Questions of Financial Stability: Your date might infer that you are unable or unwilling to provide financial support in a relationship.'
The purpose of a date is to get to know a person and to see if there if a connection - chemistry, attraction, aligning values, the want to spend more time together. You can achieve this either on an expensive dinner date or on a walk with a cup of coffee. From a woman’s perspective, we look at the effort put into planning a date from a man - making time, scheduling ahead, picking places he knows we may enjoy… basically trying to make it special and meaningful.
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